Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Never underestimate the power of titties
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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