It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Four minutes until I can fart!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
