you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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