I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
