it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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