Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
