Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
