i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
