Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
