yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
