did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think people are normalizing furries
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
