She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We talked him into tasing himself.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
