Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
