Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
