dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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