So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
