I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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