around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
