I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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