Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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