Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
