I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
