Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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