How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
