I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
