What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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