I think i peed on brittanys purse
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
