you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
