btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
3pm strippers are depressing
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
