It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
