Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
