bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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