You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
