I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
only you would photoshop your dick
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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