Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
