My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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