Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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