apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
