That's intense
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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