so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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