I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Success! We fucked roommates!
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