i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
