and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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