ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
