I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
