did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
