Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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