why didn't you poke me back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
