Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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