thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
