my room smells like sperm. sweet.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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