Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
