Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
