I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Randomize
