She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You pole danced in your parka.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
