im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
